Note: Martians consider it a mandatory act of politeness on your part to try to use their verbal language before using telepathy, so make the effort should you ever have to address one of them. In this respect they are much like the French. Render your delivery as flat and robot-like as you can. Also, make sure you include the indicated body language in your communications, as gestures figure importantly in their language.
Warning! Do not attempt to speak with a molting Martian under any circumstances! It will be hypersensitive to sound, and you may suffer some superficial, yet extremely painful bite wounds since Martians tend to revert quickly and without warning to their prehistoric warlike behaviors when annoyed. While healing, the wounds itch unbearably for weeks, and the scar will be permanent.
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Hello. (Greetings. Good
day.)
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skirrr graack-k
ch-kih shiiik clak
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Translation:
(Not) [(This self) (bite)]. (Mandibles closed).
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With your right hand, make
an "OK" sign next to your mouth.
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Goodbye. (Farewell. So long.)
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skirrr graack-k
ch-kih greek-tsk wirk
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Translation:
(Not) [(This self) (bite) (of other self) (backside)].
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Pinch the web between the
thumb and index finger of your left hand with the thumb and index finger of your
right.
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You’re looking good
today!
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chu’gak
zeek greek-tsk
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Translation:
(Carapace) (shiny) (of other self).
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Cover both your eyes and
your forehead with your palms facing you.
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How are you?
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chu'gak greek-tsk rackt yert
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Translation:
(Carapace) (of other self) (condition equals)
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| Run both hands first down and then up your ribcage once. |
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Very well, thank you.
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graack-k virzk
chuh speehk
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Translation:
(This self) (in loose sand) (basks).
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Make a single breaststroke
motion.
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What is your name?
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greek-tsk pikt
yert
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Translation:
(Of other self) (egg smell) (equals)...
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Point to your nose with
your left index finger.
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My name is...
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graack-tsk
pikt yert
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Translation:
(Of this self) (egg smell) (equals)
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Point to your nose with
your right index finger.
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Can I be of assistance?
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tsek graack-k
eewak spahk greek-hss
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Translation:
(Yes/No) [(This self) (from packed sand) (extricate)
(other self)].
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Make a quick scooping motion
with your cupped right hand.
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I don’t
understand you. Please speak slowly.
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skirrr graack-k
chertl greek-hss greek-k shiiik vir skir-akk smek
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Translation:
(Not) [(This self) (vibrates harmoniously with) (other self)] (Other self) (mandibles)
(in) (not-eat mode).
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Clench your left fist and
slowly open and close it once.
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I’m sorry, but I must
go now.
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graack-k truktik
greek-hss screek dakdak zzzzt yekkat viereek tet
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Translation:
(This self) (before) (other self) (spiracles dilate). (Yekkat) (with hunger) (approaches).
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Cast a quick glance over
your left shoulder.
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Please excuse me. I did
not mean to give offense.
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skirrr greek-k
skack graack-tsk chu’gik graack-k whirrr-chick tssicks
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Translation:
(Not) [(Other self) (split) (of this self) (carapace)]
(This self) (retracts) (antennae).
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Use your left hand to give
a karate chop to the back of your right hand.
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Please do not vaporize me.
I have a family.
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skirrr chwak
piz graak-tsk piktta graack-k karbt
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Translation:
(Not) [(atomize) (this self)]. (Many hatchlings) (this self) (produces).
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Face your left palm out and alternately tap it rapidly several times with the index and middle fingers of your right hand. Note: Martians have virtually no sense of "family" whatsoever, but since any individual Martian may have studied human family affinities from our commercial or public television broadcasts or through direct observation, begging for your life based on an appeal to kinship obligations or feelings is at least worth a shot. |
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This isn’t working.
Let’s try telepathy.
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yarp ch’dock
tssicks karkt scut
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Translation:
(Tongue) (malfunction). (Antennae) (now) (engage).
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Make antennae
on each side of your forehead using your index fingers.
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